When Perfectionism Invades Your Social Life
Okay, let’s confess right off the bat: I’m a perfectionist.
Contrary to common belief, perfectionism is not paving the way for success or a more committed life. It stops you from even starting the thing. When you are a perfectionist, you don’t start something unless you are 100 percent sure that it’s going to be impeccable. Nothing’s ever going to be impeccable, so nothing is accomplished throughout your life.
I experience perfectionism in almost all aspects of my life. It puts a lot of pressure on you; every time, you have to make sure you’re doing things in the best way possible.
Now, one aspect of my life that perfectionism has severely impacted is my social life.
I must say that I’m not a make-as-much-friends-as-you-can type. I don’t need an expansive social network to be happy and fulfilled. But, as a human being, I need to connect to people. Every once in a while, I need to go out with a buddy, talk over a coffee, and maybe invite them to my house to watch movies. But truth be told, there are no buddies to spend time with (still a work in progress).
And you know what’s one big reason for that? Perfectionism. I have to pick high-quality people. If you don’t know what I mean by high-quality, let me elucidate:
To my disoriented perfectionist mind, they are people of high class, have good taste in fashion, know about movies, care about their fitness, are physically attractive, and the list could go on. I don’t think about these things necessarily, but when I talk to someone (which usually doesn’t happen), my brain calculates those things in a matter of seconds. And if they are not qualified, they are immediately crossed off the list.
I had several, if not numerous, opportunities to make bonds with people who were interested in forming a connection throughout my life (not to brag, but I’m a likable guy: I’m polite, I – maybe pretend that – I care about people, I am facially and physically attractive – to some degrees – and I’m funny). But I couldn’t simply use those opportunities to make myself a bit happier, and maybe them. And one reason was holding intoxicating perfectionism; it wasn’t and isn’t the only reason, though. It’s just a part of it. There are lots of other factors playing a role, like social anxiety, shyness, low confidence, and fear of judgment, but perfectionism is also contributing.
I mean nobody’s perfect, I am one of them, and you are probably one of them. So thinking that someone you’re spending some time with has to be perfect is totally wrong and immoral.
I am changing this course: in all aspects of my life. I mean, if I wasn’t trying to fix this, I hadn’t even started writing blogs on my Medium account because I’d thought everything I was writing must be precise and immaculate. I also try to change this fatiguing pattern of thought in my social life and grasp at those opportunities to maybe make more buddies – even with the narrowest thread of connection (maybe just talking with the cashier of a regular place – to be a happier, more social version of myself.
I think confessing to your mistakes and mental wrong-doings is a practical way to face these life-interrupting challenges with more assurance and confidence – like I just did by writing this piece of personal note for all you imperfect creatures in the world.
Just keep doing to be a better imperfect version of yourself, and never pursue perfection, because even if there’s any perfection in the world – I don’t think there is – when you get to it, there would be the end of it, and then it may become meaningless.
