It’s been close to 2 years that l’ve been going to a gym that has become my sanctuary and the place I feel my best. This place is just packed with the greatest people. When there, even in my saddest days, I feel good. love going to this gym because I get to work out, but more importantly I get to socialize with the people there. As someone who’s been shy all his life, as someone who thought if he opens his mouth and try to talk to someone, he will be disliked by them, and as someone who used to think by not talking, he would be better off, this place taught me that I can talk to people, that I, actually, should talk to people. I can open up and say that I care about you, that I’m not a self-absorbed, spoiled kid who doesn’t give a shit; I gave a shit, more than anybody else; I just couldn’t express myself, showing my sympathetic raw emotions.
Based on my self-devised program, today, I had to do a full upper-body training, but I did back yesterday, so maybe it was more like a push day for me: chest, shoulders, triceps, and a little bit of oblique, if you will.
Fortunately, as someone who, I assume, suffers from some kind of insomnia, I had a good quality sleep.
It wasn’t an uninterrupted 8-hour baby sleep, but it was deep, I suppose, because I woke up feeling fresh and recovered without feeling any heart palpitation, which I experience when I have the shittiest sleep, or shall I say the shittiest not-sleeping-at-all. So, with already having a double-shot-espresso serotonin effect, I assume it’s going to be a rock-solid session.
I brushed my teeth, made up my luscious breakfast (protein bread, peanut butter, bananas, cinnamon, chia seed, and some egg white), dressed up, and got ready to hit the most upbeat gym in the world – at least, for my plain life.
I don’t know why, but whenever I’m about to enter the gym, I feel a bit stressed, but it’s not a bad one.
There are, actually, some butterflies flying inside my stomach that create this kind of feeling that I have, so I take it as a good sign, signaling my never-ending passion to go to this healthy, magical place.
The gym has a face-recognition system for recording your entrance and giving you a locker to put your cloth in. Though, you can spend a bit more money and get a VIP locker, so you don’t have to pack up your things whenever you want to go home. But I don’t have such luxury; I’m happy with my ordinary locker.
I put my bag in my given place and go to drink my seductive double-shot Americano with ginger to get even more energized and maximize my workout and sexual life. If you know me, l’m no fan of gobbling my coffee down to my throat. I’d much rather take small sips and read some articles from some more liberal newspapers, like the New York Times or the Guardian – a humongous thank to the Guardian for letting me know more about the world without charging me anything. I confess I learned so much from you.
The coffee’s there, and it’s pretty rich, actually. I drank my coffee, but I didn’t get to read anything because there were people who started to talk to me, and honestly, it’s so much better than drinking and reading. Remember I told you this place taught me to be socially more active? That’s one example.
The process of my coffee-drinking took about 20 to 25 minutes. So, it has kicked in completely; I can feel my heart trying to escape my body – juvenile boy!
I wear my gym clothes and go walk backward on the treadmill – it’s great for your balance and, I think, your posture too. Then I do some warm-up. Now the body’s ready, so let’s, “Rockin’ it, Brah” (I write this motto on my plastic bottle of water to motivate myself).
That is time to start the main movements for building muscles. First, I did a heavy smith-machine inclined press (my favorite chest workout) and “rocked” it. I was so happy because I was able to load a bit more than before, and there’s no better feeling than that. Then I did crossovers with a cable-machine to reap the benefits of chest abduction and isolate some blood in my chest fibers (to feel the pump) and temporarily – and hopefully, permanently – enjoy looking jacked.
Then, I did some Arnold presses, went back to the cable machine to train my triceps (the long head of the triceps is what is giving you a giant arm). Now, it was time to put some mechanical tension on the sides of my delts (the shoulder muscle), so I did lateral raises and tried to numb up my not-so-strong shoulders – I’m trying to be modest.
I felt the need of doing another triceps exercise, so I brought a barbell and two 11lbs and two 5.5lbs plates to do a lying triceps extension on the floor, so a mat is also needed. I did the first set and the second set. After taking some rest, I was about to do the third set when suddenly, I spotted one of the trainers who I knew there.
It is Friday and the instructors of the gym I’m subscribed to are off working Fridays – sometimes though, you could see them. The trainer’s name is Navid. Since he’s a bodybuilding trainer, he’s, no question, a balked-up man. but the other thing about him is, he is one of the sweetest guys you can find on earth.
I got my Air Pods on, but since it was in a transparent mood, I heard something: he said his flight takes off at 3 in the morning. Hearing that, I was a bit shocked. I knew he was about to immigrate to some other country, but I didn’t know when that was due. Apparently, it was, as he put it, “today’s 3 A.M.”, or as someone else trying to correct him “tomorrow’s 3 A.M. since today’s 3 A.M. has already passed.
1 approached him and happily asked him, “oh, you’re really leaving?” He said yes with a grin on his stressed face. I asked him, “like, forever? Never gonna come back?” He said, “yeah, probably, never going to come back.” We talked a bit more about his immigration and what he’s going to do there, and I took off to do the rest of my workout.
My workout wasn’t the same anymore; I felt a change. I felt sad! It was a peculiar moment for me.
Because I really didn’t know so much about Navid, and we didn’t really engage in a conversation longer than maybe one minute. Actually, this one was my longest conversation with him since I saw him here about 2 years ago. And the other one which lasted around 30 seconds was for his birthday that I said, happy birthday. How old are you know?” He said, “33". And I was like, “Oh, I thought you were younger than that.” (I do this a lot to make people feel better about themselves, but Navid actually looks younger) Then he responded, “Oh really? I don’t know anybody from now on,” with a smiley face trying to be hilarious.
I was reasoning that “Oh, now I’m not going to see him again, like forever?” And since we weren’t close, and he was just a guy I would say hi to, I didn’t have his number to maybe text him sometimes. And it wasn’t like I was trying to be friends with him or anything. I just don’t know, but I became really, really sad about it. Maybe the fact that he is a sweet and kind guy made me feel like that because we all love to see and greet generous people. But it wasn’t the only reason. The sadness and worry I feel is so much more than that. I wanted to cry. Seriously.
1, somehow, managed to end my workout and cooled down and stretched afterwards. Then, I ordered chicken and spaghetti. I really didn’t want this time to end. I wanted me to be there until 3 A.M., even though Navid himself wouldn’t be there. All the while I was reminding myself to say my last bye to this beautiful person.
When I changed my cloth and went to eat my food at the buffet of the gym, I saw two of his friends, who are brothers, there, and they were obviously sad about something, which now we could say what it was for. They are close friends, I think. I remember one time Navid was talking about one of these guys to a client and saying he’s a good friend of his, though a couple of years younger than him (And I myself really love that guy as well). So, for them to be sad is totally normal. They are not going to lose him though; they just can’t see him in person, which is upsetting. And he’s going to have a better life, for sure. But my sadness is ironically peculiar. I mean, this level of despair I’m going through is just hilariously strange.
When I was at the buffet, I would look back to see where Navid was to say my last goodbye. After eating my food and applying my sunscreen, It was time to go for me, so I got ready to approach him. I saw him doing – if I can correctly remember – a shoulder exercise, so not trying to interrupt, I pretended to work with my phone although nobody would give a shit – just in case.
Okay, his set was done; I immediately went to him because he was about to start the next set (what a short rest period!) and when he saw me coming, he stopped, and I said, “Goodbye Navid, I hope you are successful as always.” He thanked me, and I was gone, filled with mourning, worry, anxiety, and destructive sadness. “I wish I had the guy’s number.” “Maybe I should’ve known him better than I do.” “I don’t know what to do with this feeling.” “Why am I that sad?” or maybe I didn’t know that I cared that much about Navid until now, realizing he was going to leave.
I can contribute this feeling of worry and sadness to my gentle and sensitive personality. Or maybe more personal; I’m worried about the time that I decide to immigrate and not see my friends, family, and people like Navid, at least for a long time. Because I also was thinking about myself too. What if I say I want to go to another place? What’s my mom going to feel? My brother, or my dad.
Even now, writing this – I mean literally now – I still feel sad. Truth be told, I want to cry my face off. I don’t know what to do. I decided to preserve my feelings of sadness and avoid crying and channel them into writing this piece. Now my story is ended, but I’m still left with these emotions.
You know what I think? I think that at the end, what remains is our feelings toward each other, our sympathy, our kindness, sweetness, and nativity. I feel that it’s not science or religion that saves us. It’s our raw and beautiful emotions about each other that are our savior.
Today, I felt a pure, raw, and authentic emotion toward someone. A feeling without any intent, without any goal. It is genuine and free. This feeling is not self-serving, it’s purely empathetic. I’m loving it.
Thank you, Navid. I know you are never going to see this or hear about the emotional path I went through, but thank you, thank you, thank you. Who knows though, you may see this, or I may say it to people around me, or I may tell you myself even though it’s going to be wired as shit.
Okay, let me cry now.
